MHEL

i was always careful not to be too passionate on things that could have hurt me, including love. i guess even with my family i was never demonstrative. i had been careful enough not to hurt myself coz i knew i have a very low tolerance for pain- whether it’s physical or emotional. i just dont know what prompted me to let my guard down with a relationship that i knew from the start would not go anywhere. now i am in pain as in PAIN. ala m mo yun may mga moments na gusto ko magwala…gusto ko umiyak pero alam ko namang useless coz these acts won’t do me good.  sana pala di ko na sya nakilala. sobra ang pain…i am trying so hard na makabangon na but i cant..waahh…my tears are fallling right now….sakit…..

Eyes closed..
Missed too many chances….

Lasted for a month
That’s the KARMA of my lies….

Tears and fears accompany this good bye

  since I do not know whether there has ever been hello.

Markings of a sorrowful path hovers my future

  because I’d be without any happy memories with you.

Shadows of a mournful past persists to join me

   since I cannot traverse the road before me

      because I don’t have you nor sweet memories of you.

Masquerading his heart
Marauding her heart
A black stallion jumping over a fence
Not minding the nail hurting him

Imagine a knight without his lady
Imagine Romeo without Juliet

Think of Beauty without Beast
Think of Sleeping Beauty without Prince Charming

Imagine ever reading Interview with a Vampire without Lestat
Imagine ever watching Troy without Achilles or Hector

Think of your life without the one you love
Think of a poet without a poem

Imagine words without meaning
Imagine a poem without a soul

Masquerading his heart
Marauding her heart
A black stallion jumping over a fence
Not minding the nail hurting him

An apparition of what I thought to be divine…a feeling of what I sense as blissful…

turned out to be

A tragic creature from the pit of hell tormenting my heart with kindness and a cursed smile.

magically transforms

A silly ventriloquist imitating people who just came down from heaven not knowing that they are damned to burn in hell… eternal…

Passing through this life seems to be easy at first. But as we journey through it, we often realize that we can’t just go through it without attaching ourselves to others. Well, I thought I was different. I thought I could travel and pass through this world without needing anybody. I kept everything to myself - my emotions, my feelings, my self. I never opened myself up to anybody. I am just passing through, that’s what I said. Even my family does not know me. Neither do my friends. I am now half way through my journey. But it is now that I feel the need to attach myself to another fleeting creature. A creature I also do not know well. He is not different from others except for the fact that he is the only one who has made me feel the need to share myself with another. The need to be with someone while I am here. The only one who has ever made me feel that my heart does not beat only for blood. My heart now beats to keep me alive! To feel, to share. I never even realized until I met him that there’s a gamut of feelings a person needs to feel even if life is temporal. I know that I am being unfair to him, to myself. But I do not intend to let him know that he makes my brief stay here a joyous, memorable and painful one.

Mabuti na lang I friends. Yun lang! Sana….